As our little babies move into toddlerhood, it is important as parents to accept the need for boundaries. Chapter three in On Becoming Toddlerwise discusses boundaries for toddlers. It points out that boundaries are not bad. Boundaries show us our limits. They let us know how far we can go. They in effect give us freedom.

When I think of boundaries, it takes me to our ability to make choices. As humans we all possess the capacity to choose what we will and will not do. This ability should be used responsibly, however, because we are always free to choose our actions, but not always free to choose the consequences of those actions. For example, we have laws of the land to obey; if I choose to speed in my vehicle, I must accept responsibility when I get caught for speeding. The best case scenario for speeding would be a ticket from a police man. A worst case would be taking the life of another as a direct result of my speeding. Free will represents the human capacity to choose, while wisdom reflects our judgment in choice. Our children are born with the first, but must be taught the second.

There are also moral laws and family laws to obey. With family laws, you have rules in place for your family. Perhaps there are certain words or actions you don’t allow to be said and done in your family. Life is full of boundaries, but we arrive at those boundaries, and test those boundaries, through our free will. Through these tests we can learn the benefits of respecting our boundaries and the negative effects of pushing, or disobeying, those boundaries.

What are the implications of free will and boundaries for parents? This article discusses the essence of what free will is when it comes to parental instruction and training with toddlers and preschoolers. In part two, I will to speak to the value of boundaries in the life of children. First, what is the relationship between free will and boundaries?  Here is an illustration that I have found helpful. 

I put before you three pieces of paper, each with a different picture on it (what the picture is of doesn’t matter). I then tell you to pick one, so you do. After you have chosen a picture, I deliver a consequence for your choice. Did I really provide you the freedom of choice? No, not really because I withheld from you pertinent facts required for you to make an informed decision. You didn’t have a full understanding as it related to your choices. Now, let’s say I put before you three pieces of paper each with the same picture on it. Again, you are not able to practice free will in decision making because your choices are all the same.

For a third time I place the three different pictures in front of you, but this time, I explain that each picture has with it a different consequence. One is positive, one is negative, and one is neutral, but I don’t tell you which is which. Again, this is not allowing for your free will to operate fully because I am still withholding some facts. You do not have the full knowledge necessary to make a wise decision. Finally, I put before you the three different pictures and tell you the first one will earn for you a piece of candy. The second one will cause you to lose a piece of candy. The third will do nothing. I then ask you to choose one. Now free will is operating within the confine of established boundaries. You know your choices and the consequences that will follow. The boundaries now have meaning beyond simply a limitation.

How do these examples relate to child training? Our children, like us, possess this freedom to choose. All day long, they are making choices. As parents, our goal is to help instill within our children a sustaining wisdom that will help them make good choices for themselves and those around them, now and in the future. To achieve this, we must make sure that our instruction and council present the element of reward for wise decisions and the consequences for foolish decisions. In this way we become partners with their free will as we help mentor our children in wise decision making habits. My next article will give examples on how to put this idea into practice.

My blog: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/

You help your son blow out his first birthday candle and Great Aunt Lilly proclaims, “He’s a toddler now!” Not so fast! The period between twelve and eighteen months places a child on a one way bridge to the future. Infancy is a thing of the past and toddlerhood is straight ahead. A baby still? Not really, but neither is he a toddler and that is the key to understanding this phase of growth.

Take a couple of photos because the child leaving infancy will not resemble the child entering toddlerhood six months down the road. This is a period of metamorphosis when his potential for learning seems limitless, his budding curiosity unquenchable and his energy level never seems to diminish.

This is a period of great of exchange: baby food is exchanged for table food; the highchair for booster seat; finger feeding replaced with spoon; babbling sounds transition to speaking, the first unsteady steps are conquered by strides of confidence, and the list goes on. Moving forward at a lighting pace, your pretoddler is driven towards a new level of independence, equipped with a mind of his own. Whether you’re ready or not his natural inclination and challenge of “I do myself” will become increasingly apparent, not to mention frustrating.

The emerging pretoddler is acutely aware of self, although at twelve months of age he is not fully absorbed in the self importance of me, myself and I. (Hang on, that blessing of his nature will show up around twenty months of age.) Try taking something away and a scream of protest is likely. Remove him from a dangerous object and his curiosity lures him right back. His favorite foods suddenly become not-so-favorite and in a few months “No!” will become his default word whether he understands the question or not.

The natural inclination within pretoddlers towards independence is very strong yet, unpredictable. He is always in motion and not easily restrained, directed or controlled, but he needs to be! Boundaries will be tested, rules understood as suggestions, and curiosity will become a force to reckoned with. How will you meet these unfolding challenges? That is the big question. The answer begins with understanding the various growth transitions of the next one-hundred and eighty days of your pretoddler’s life. (For pricing details please visit our store at www.gfi.org)

Back in the day when gas stations had attendants that pumped your gas for you; a young woman drove in to get a fill up.   Her attendant happened to be a teenager named Phil; a young man who would one day become a pastor.  On this day however he was being a good employee and offered to check under the hood.  She replied in the affirmative and Phil began by checking her oil.  He was surprised to find that the car wasn’t merely low on oil, it had no oil.  He showed the woman the dipstick that was perfectly dry, registering no oil at all.   She went berserk!  “Why do all you gas station attendants try to make me buy things I do not need”.   Phil, with the evidence held in his hand, stood dumbstruck by her reaction.  As she drove off, Phil still speechless, noticed that on her display panel a piece of masking tape was adhered over the oil warning light.  He could see a dim dot of red still shining through the opaque tape, and he wondered how she got so suspicious of others that she would ignore all physical evidence of the truth.

Distrust, suspicion, and skepticism seem to be common attitudes of today’s society.  When was the last time you truly trusted the word of a politician, newsman, advertisement, product claim, car mechanic, fellow employee, or in some cases even a friend or family member.  We expect people to lie to us.  Our society used to operate on the philosophy that a man’s word was his bond.  Now if someone gives his or her word, it has little surety and leaves the hearer wondering if they aren’t trying a bit too hard to convince us of their sincerity, eliciting only more distrust.

When teaching on Greek philosophers who sought absolute truths, I asked my college students what truth is true for all men, through all time.  The discussion that ensues is lively and mirrors the distrust so evident in society.  One semester the students even reasoned that the old adage “taxes and death” were not even certainties.  After the debate has run its course, I end with this statement that “absolute truths do exist and that their belief or disbelief in them doesn’t alter their existence”.  “For instance this desk in front of you is made of wood and metal and whether you believe that or not does not change the fact that it is made of metal and wood”!    A person’s belief does not alter the truth, but their acceptance or rejection does alter the way they live.

The ultimate truth of all time and for all mankind is the person of Jesus Christ.  “In Him was life, and the life was the light of men… this true light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man”. Just like light dispels the darkness in a room, the true light of Jesus Christ shows us our lost condition and the way to remedy that position and become reconciled to God.  God promises that to anyone who believes in their heart that Jesus was born fully man and being fully God lived sinless, so He could die and make payment on our behalf, and was raised up on the third day, and confesses that Jesus Christ is Lord, shall receive Him and be given the right to become the children of God.  Belief in Christ; this True Light, will dispel the darkness of untruth and set the recipient free.

If you are reading this and driving around in your own life with masking tape covering the truth of your condition, pretending the course of destruction you are on isn’t real, I pray that you will read the gospel of John this Christmas, and that Light of Life will shine into you heart and you will come to personally know the Lord Jesus Christ.  His saving grace has made all the difference in my life, and I care too much to offer you less than the best gift ever given.

For those of you whose hearts are already illumined with the Light of Christ, may your light shine bright in a world wrapped in brightly shaded untruths!

Light a candle; light the dark, light the world

light a heart or two…

As God pleases, dispose the day © 2008 is an electronic devotional by D. A.  Brewer.   All Bible quotations are from  the first chapter of John in the New American Standard Version, © 1993 Lockman Foundation and used by permission.  The title “As God pleases, dispose the day” is a quote from Henry V by William Shakespeare.   The lyrics from Light A Candle are from Avalon’s Christmas CD.  The gas station story comes from Phil Thorne, pastor of West Shore Evangelical Free Church in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.

Every week I have errands to run. I have a philosophy about running errands that goes something like this: Never do anything alone (unless you need to or want to) if you can do it with someone else. Some errands I have to do alone. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Oftentimes, I enjoy the company. The other week I had to run an errand and I decided to ask one of my children if they wanted to go with me. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “I have to run an errand. Wanna come?”
Child #1: “Where ya going?”
Me: “I’m not telling, do you want to go or not?”
Child #1: “Is it going to be fun?”
Me: “Define fun.”
Child #1: “Ya know, like are we going to do something fun or can I buy something?”
Me: “Nevermind.”

A little dejected but not surprised, I then approached another child.

Me: “I have to run an errand. Wanna come?”
Child #2: “Sure Daddy! I’ll get my shoes!”

Child #2 gets in the car and off we go. We had a wonderful time. As we ran our errands, we talked. We listened. I shared bits of wisdom. We goofed around. We laughed. We enjoyed each other’s company. Our hearts were knitted together. There was bonding and fellowship and fun just by being together.

The errands took a bit longer than I anticipated and while we were out we both got really thirsty. I knew that a Cherry Lime Aide from Sonic could fix that and I knew that a Cherry Lime Aide would be a big deal for this particular child. With errands complete, we came home both drinking our massive Cherry Lime Aides and I knew what was about to happen.

As hydrated Child #2 walked past left behind Child #1, Child #1 became indignant. “You didn’t tell me you were getting a Lime Aide! That’s not fair!” As this child threw a mini-tamtrum, it hit me. This is exactly how we treat God.

Instead of desiring the Giver, we just want His gifts.
Instead of spending time with the Blesser, we simply want His blessings.
We don’t want a relationship with Him, we just want the benefits.

God is not like a vending machine. You don’t spend time with Him to get what you want out. You invest in God and THAT ALONE is the gift, the blessing and the benefit. Anything you receive beyond that, is simply additional grace.

Does God give out spiritual Cherry Lime Aides? Absolutely. But He often gives it to His children who aren’t using Him for one. He desires relationship and fellowship. He has errands to run and He wants some company. You wanna come?

Ephesians 1:3 - “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ…”

Mark 10:15-16 - “Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all. And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.”

******* IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT THE NOTE ********
It is necessary to point out that I am merely sharing a snapshot from a moment in time. Every one of us have been captured in a negative light in various snapshots throughout our life. Though most children (regardless of age) desire the gift over the giver, I am pleased/relieved to say that this is not something either child is characterized by.

Well this is a strange environment for me, for sure. As the 10th of 14 kids, the pastor of a church and the father of seven beautiful children, having an empty house to sit in for a few hours is at least unusual.

Nancy’s getting her hair done; she has our two year old.

Natalie (16) & Mark (13) are at play practice.

Andrew (18) has John (10) & Olivia (5) out buying a Christmas tree.

And Sarah, our oldest has moved away. Her successful photography business and the Lord’s leading have led her to move out of the house this year. Sarah (21), the first born, the guinea pig, and the one we learned on; she probably got more spankings than any of them; so much so we called her “iron-bottom.” We didn’t know any better back then. But Sarah turned out OK. She gave us grace as parents. She loved us and knew we weren’t perfect but she still honored us.

It’s been a long blessed road. Sarah was homeschooled the whole way. Her pleas to go to regular school were not heard. Now, even though some of her younger siblings are getting to go to “regular” school she doesn’t regret our decisions. She knows that her parents were following God’s leading for her life.

Sarah loves the Lord. She owns our values. She’s living to serve, to love, to bless. She’s going to make someone a great wife some day. He’s going to have to be sharp because she is. Sarah is a blessing in our lives. Even though we didn’t do a perfect job Sarah is living her life happy, blessed and growing. She goes to church. She doesn’t need to see a counselor for any deep-seated issues. She calls us regularly and loves us deeply.

Sarah continues to seek my counsel and advice. I love it.

This friendship thing Gary taught about in Growing Kids God’s Way is awesome.